I'll continue by saying that you may want to settle-in as the story gets better...
After our discussion the next day, I really thought we were on the same page. My Chef had indicated he understood where I was coming from. Right. Thankfully, work took me out of town for over week. But we were communicating and enjoying the revived relationship.
When the time drew near for me to go to his home, I suggested that I come later in the evening and leave his home, prior to Miss Chicky Poo rising in the morning. (It's not as if she got up before 10a, anyway.)
As I arrived at his home, I noticed that her vehicle was not there. Odd since it as close to 10p. But, I was greeted at the door, and as usual, Chef helped me with my bags. I went straight upstairs to his bedroom. When he brought up my bags, I went to close the door to his bedroom. He stopped me by saying, no one is coming home tonight. He asked me to join him by the fire downstairs. Smile.
Oh, well I assumed she was either out for the evening or out of town. Nonetheless, we had a great evening. We watched a movie, talked about our jobs, his daughter's wedding and laughed our heads off - about a new nickname he had for me. I have to admit, it was a good one.
As you very well know, I was curious and went to check the spare bedroom, the very next morning. The bed was made... but there were no personal items there. Nor were there any toiletries in the guest bathroom. Hmmm.
I wasn't sure if she moved or went to visit her other child in another state. Either way, I wondered why he had not said anything to me. That evening, I brought up the topic. He said, that everything was going great with us and he did not want to talk about her. Well, fine with me.
The very next week was a busy time for us both...as he had his daughter's wedding and I was busy with work. But, he was great about calling and texting while he was away. But, we planned on getting together the day after the wedding. So, when he returned, I was surprised that he was bit distant.... irritated. But after discussing a few issues with work and family, I could see why he was a bit irritable.
The next morning, I was planning on helping him with a project in his yard. I can safely say he was an argumentative, knit-picky, and all-around jerk that day. I left him twice in the yard, because of it. He did come inside and tried to makeup for his behavior. But, when he tried to give me version of what a team meant (no "I" in team crap). I told what he could with that information.
Now, I can tell you it was odd that he wasn't sharing any pictures from the wedding. So, that night, he showed me a few, at my urging. While he was showing me the pictures online, I happened to see a few dating site advertisement emails pop up. But, I dismissed it.
I went to work the day after and he was being a real snot. But, it was our custom to talk every night. Since he had not called, I tried calling him. He did not answer. As a matter of fact, two hours later, he hadn't returned the call. Knowing his habits, it was unusual.
Having time to think...I started to lament over his odd behavior and the dating site advertisement. I remembered that "Q" was a member of that very same dating site. So, to appease my curiosity, I had to check this site out. As luck would have it, you don't have to sign up to search profiles.
Yep, you know it already.......I found it! My guy had and active profile on the dating site! Advertising.... to the world that he was "looking for a relationship". I couldn't believe my eyes!
To add insult to injury, his profile picture was one he had taken at the wedding, just two days prior.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Just as we were about to bring in the New Year together.....
Yep. I fell victim to the female 'best friend' trap. She came, she clubbed me on the head... and she dragged me by the hair out the door...(Well, figuratively) I was warned by both men and women about situations like this don't end well... who knew I would had to face this type of craziness.
My chef and I were finally on our way. We had a few rocky episodes, but our chemistry was off the charts. I had settled into a new career after a layoff. We both had a few minor surgeries... but we were getting closer and surprisingly still hot for each other. We couldn't keep our hands off each other after almost a year and a half.
Then, while on an overnight trip for work, I received a daunting text. That text said, "Hey, just wanted you to know... that with all of the issues "Q" is having at home, she is going to be staying here for awhile. I hope it is not a problem for you.' Ah hem! Hell f'ng yes...it is.
This woman doesn't like me!!! I call my darling boyfriend and ask him what is going on. He informs me that he offered his home as refuge for his best female pal, "Q". She was told by her family that she was the cause of all of the problems in their home. (Somehow she transposed that comment to - get out. It should have initiated a conversation with her family. However, "Q" made it sound as if she was being kicked out.)
No matter what I would have said at that point, would not have made a difference. But what little I could say, centered around my concerns about the arrangement. I asked, are you sure that her family is actually kicking their Mom out? That garnered an agitated response, "yes, I told you that.'. Well, no not really. From what I know, it is hard or me to believe her only son would kick his Mom out. She took the comments her family made and ran with it... right to my boyfriend's house. I also asked, how long was this going to be. I was told two or three weeks. As a follow up, I asked, what if this stretches into the holidays? You are not going to be able to tell her to leave. He told me that she was told that it was not a permanent situation and would not charge her rent so she can get herself together. He asked, "Is this going to be a problem?" I told him, from what you have told me, she had some not - so nice comments to say about me. So, yes, I have some concerns. I told him that I don't want to come to your house to be treated like an outsider. He said, "That would never happen." I told him that I have to get ready for work and didn't want to discuss it further. He told me, that the door was always open if you want to discuss it. But, he wouldn't be good friend if he did no offer help to her at this time. (Here is where you can roll your eyes.) He even suggested it was an opportunity to get to know her better. Please.
Unfortunately, it was exactly what I was afraid of. Totally inappropriate... and crossed the boundaries of friendship... and intentional or willful disregard for our relationship.
From the first night I went to his home after she moved in, she was in a bathrobe in his kitchen... cooking for him. He didn't greet me as he normally did. When I reached him in the kitchen, he did not hug nor kiss me. When I reached for him, he walked away with some insignificant chore he pretended to be doing. I indicted that I had items to bring in from the car.... he acted as if he didn't hear me. Anyway, I was offered her chili, to which I declined. Honestly, I don't eat from strangers as a general rule. But, someone that is not familiar with my food allergies, I just avoid it altogether.
So, I sat there while they ate chili.... she rambling on and on...about nothing. Totally controlling the course of the conversation. I realized then, it was not him telling her things that he shouldn't, it was her asking questions... one after the other, and another, like a trial attorney. Unknowingly, he answered every rapid-fire question.
However, there was an interesting comment she made..."While I was in Chef's bedroom, I found a check he hadn't deposited." What? You have got to be kidding me! You know that tone when a television station goes off the air? After that point, that's all I heard. Later when were in bed together...I told my guy that it was totally inappropriate for her to be roaming around "our" bedroom. He said, "She's not snooping." Chuckle, right. I told him that I guessed that she was, if she found a check buried under other things. I am sure it was not on the floor that she was supposed to be vacuuming. (By the way, he has hardwood floors in his bedroom.) He thought about it, and said he would talk to her.
Now, if that were the only issue, it would have been fine. But, shenanigans continued. The next morning, with my chef off to work, I got up to run a few errands and go to the grocery store. She slept in. When she finally found her way downstairs around 10:30, or so, she was still her bathrobe. Hmmm, someone that is getting her sh.. together and looking for a job, doesn't sleep-in until 11a. You get up at the crack of dawn, knock on doors... anything. Oh, yeah, having an updated... and readily available resume would help as well. (She said that her resume was at her son's house on a Pc there. Now, why couldn't she re-create it from her LinkedIn account or from memory? Shenanigans!
(Note: For over a year, my guy and I had a running joke. He would say that I wasn't a good girlfriend because I would not cook for him. In turn, I would say..."You are a chef... what can I cook for you... a boiled hotdog?" But, honestly, I had made several dishes for him...chili, cornbread soufflé, apple pie, seafood stir fry, Thai steak and noodles... and more. Each of the items he told me were delicious. A few weeks earlier, he had complained again. I asked him if he was serious because the only difference was that I had not made it in his kitchen. He said, yes, he was serious. I told him that because he was a demanding chef, and I didn't want him directing me in the kitchen, that avoided cooking at his home. But, since it seemed to be that much of an issue, I would make a meal when I had my four days off in a couple of weeks.)
I went downstairs to leave and found her in the kitchen, in her bathrobe, at the kitchen table. I tried to make light conversation with her... but, she delayed me by asking question after question...about where I was going and what I was doing, my work schedule, etc. I left shaking my head. Instigator.
Later that evening, while making dinner, she returned to the kitchen, while helping my guy with some yard work, and said, "Is there a special occasion?" I said no, "Why?" This "B" said to me, "Oh, Chef said that you never cook for him, so I assumed it was a special occasion." Now, I could have answered differently, because my first thought was to tell her it was none of her "d..." business what I did for my boyfriend. However, I told her Chef must be getting forgetful. Because I have made several things for him. Other than carrying meat in my bags, I had to wait until I had my car back and more than a few days off, to go grocery shopping. So, I am not sure what he told you, but he is incorrect. She then sauntered off with a smile on her face.
Later, when he came in, I reminded him of other dishes I had prepared for him, he said yes that I had, but inserted that I had not prepared it in his home. Whatever. After their yard work, Chef said he wanted to take a shower before dinner and wanted to know if I would meet him upstairs. Oh, yeah. So, I go upstairs to wait for him. He said he would clear off the deck table for dinner. At this time, above the classical music he was blaring, I thought I heard my name. I go back downstairs and ask him if he had called me. He came up to me and angrily under his breath said, "Why haven't you brought out the plates?" I was shocked. He had never talked to me that way before. I told him that he had asked me to meet him upstairs... and further I can't hear him above the music. He said, "The food is getting cold,... bring out the plates!" I told him to calm down... and if he had changed his mind, he had not informed me.
So, I cut the lasagna, placed some salad on each dish. Mind you, Chicky Poo opted not to eat my lasagna and had her chili, from the night before. Not only was I pissed about the way he talked to me, I now had to hear her rattle on about foolishness, once again. When she realized I was not listening to her chatter, she decided to direct comments to me about the two of them dancing, or going out to dinner, and their exercise walks, the time she cleaned his room and organized his paperwork some years ago, etc. I was fuming. But then, my guy mentions that the uniforms I ironed for him were so nicely pressed, that he received a few compliments. Before I could respond, Miss Chicky Poo decided to get in on this....AND said, "Oh, do you need your uniforms ironed, I'll do it!" I kindly informed her, don't worry...I got it. Damn it!
Later that evening was the first of our disagreements about her comments and inappropriate behavior. Of course he conveniently did not hear her say they went dancing together. He said, he would have to ask her because, to his recollection, they have never danced. So, I asked him, then why did you chuckle and laugh and comment about her leading? He dismissed my concerns and said he didn't want to talk about it....because her time there would be over soon.
The next evening, and the next week, there was more of the same. Miss Chicky Poo monopolizing the conversations and making clear that things I had told him about my family, my work schedule and our personal relationship issues, were all things he shared with her.
One evening, my chef and I were on the phone as he was making his way home. I tried to steal a moment to greet my boyfriend before Chicky Poo came barreling down. As I stepped on the stairs, there she was, just like a stalker, waiting in the shadows to pounce. As she came out; and he came to the bottom of the stairs, she had to insert herself before I could say or greet my boyfriend. She rattled on about her storage unit and the rain. Then, my guy look passed me and asked her to join him by the fire (he was building a fire in the fireplace). What? I was standing right there, and he asked her to join him by the fire. I talked my self down out of the tree... and came downstairs anyway. (Mind you the night before, he handed her a mug, she said, "...thank you, love..." and asked her if she were comfortable. As an after thought, he then asked me. )
I went downstairs and I kissed my boyfriend and tried to give him an update on a family issue. In effort to be polite, and show her this the way to be cordial, by inviting others into the conversation, I tried to give her a brief synopsis of the situation. She must have been pissed off that I kissed him, so she kindly told me, "Chef already told me." Then, out of pure spite, she picked up her cell phone and said to him, "What was the name of the barber you wanted me to look up? (At the point, my patience has run thin.)
I turned to him and said we were just talking about the barber, why didn't you ask me to look it up for you? He sat there stunned and I stormed upstairs. He followed me upstairs and asked me "What is your problem?" I told him I was too upset to talk, and then he asked me to leave his home. Did anyone hear the fireworks? Yeauupp. POW! I got up and packed everything, all the while he was baiting me to take everything. I went downstairs to collect the rest of my belongings and Miss "B" was still sitting by the fire enjoying the calamity. I told her goodnight, and she "Good night" with a big smile on her face. I told her, I am sure you are happy and left.
I went home and Chef and I continued to argue... in the car and via text. However, by the next morning, he had come over and we talked about her comments and the other issues. He claimed, that he NEVER told her to look for a barber but she took it upon herself to do so. (Side note: I have been cutting his hair for months. But, since he was to attend his daughter's wedding, he wanted to go to a professional barber. Not a problem for me. That was the very same conversation we had, as he was making his way home that evening.)
Even if that had been it, it wouldn't have so bad. But, there was more to come. Just writing this brings up more angry and hurt feelings. Standby for more... it gets better.
My chef and I were finally on our way. We had a few rocky episodes, but our chemistry was off the charts. I had settled into a new career after a layoff. We both had a few minor surgeries... but we were getting closer and surprisingly still hot for each other. We couldn't keep our hands off each other after almost a year and a half.
Then, while on an overnight trip for work, I received a daunting text. That text said, "Hey, just wanted you to know... that with all of the issues "Q" is having at home, she is going to be staying here for awhile. I hope it is not a problem for you.' Ah hem! Hell f'ng yes...it is.
This woman doesn't like me!!! I call my darling boyfriend and ask him what is going on. He informs me that he offered his home as refuge for his best female pal, "Q". She was told by her family that she was the cause of all of the problems in their home. (Somehow she transposed that comment to - get out. It should have initiated a conversation with her family. However, "Q" made it sound as if she was being kicked out.)
No matter what I would have said at that point, would not have made a difference. But what little I could say, centered around my concerns about the arrangement. I asked, are you sure that her family is actually kicking their Mom out? That garnered an agitated response, "yes, I told you that.'. Well, no not really. From what I know, it is hard or me to believe her only son would kick his Mom out. She took the comments her family made and ran with it... right to my boyfriend's house. I also asked, how long was this going to be. I was told two or three weeks. As a follow up, I asked, what if this stretches into the holidays? You are not going to be able to tell her to leave. He told me that she was told that it was not a permanent situation and would not charge her rent so she can get herself together. He asked, "Is this going to be a problem?" I told him, from what you have told me, she had some not - so nice comments to say about me. So, yes, I have some concerns. I told him that I don't want to come to your house to be treated like an outsider. He said, "That would never happen." I told him that I have to get ready for work and didn't want to discuss it further. He told me, that the door was always open if you want to discuss it. But, he wouldn't be good friend if he did no offer help to her at this time. (Here is where you can roll your eyes.) He even suggested it was an opportunity to get to know her better. Please.
Unfortunately, it was exactly what I was afraid of. Totally inappropriate... and crossed the boundaries of friendship... and intentional or willful disregard for our relationship.
From the first night I went to his home after she moved in, she was in a bathrobe in his kitchen... cooking for him. He didn't greet me as he normally did. When I reached him in the kitchen, he did not hug nor kiss me. When I reached for him, he walked away with some insignificant chore he pretended to be doing. I indicted that I had items to bring in from the car.... he acted as if he didn't hear me. Anyway, I was offered her chili, to which I declined. Honestly, I don't eat from strangers as a general rule. But, someone that is not familiar with my food allergies, I just avoid it altogether.
So, I sat there while they ate chili.... she rambling on and on...about nothing. Totally controlling the course of the conversation. I realized then, it was not him telling her things that he shouldn't, it was her asking questions... one after the other, and another, like a trial attorney. Unknowingly, he answered every rapid-fire question.
However, there was an interesting comment she made..."While I was in Chef's bedroom, I found a check he hadn't deposited." What? You have got to be kidding me! You know that tone when a television station goes off the air? After that point, that's all I heard. Later when were in bed together...I told my guy that it was totally inappropriate for her to be roaming around "our" bedroom. He said, "She's not snooping." Chuckle, right. I told him that I guessed that she was, if she found a check buried under other things. I am sure it was not on the floor that she was supposed to be vacuuming. (By the way, he has hardwood floors in his bedroom.) He thought about it, and said he would talk to her.
Now, if that were the only issue, it would have been fine. But, shenanigans continued. The next morning, with my chef off to work, I got up to run a few errands and go to the grocery store. She slept in. When she finally found her way downstairs around 10:30, or so, she was still her bathrobe. Hmmm, someone that is getting her sh.. together and looking for a job, doesn't sleep-in until 11a. You get up at the crack of dawn, knock on doors... anything. Oh, yeah, having an updated... and readily available resume would help as well. (She said that her resume was at her son's house on a Pc there. Now, why couldn't she re-create it from her LinkedIn account or from memory? Shenanigans!
(Note: For over a year, my guy and I had a running joke. He would say that I wasn't a good girlfriend because I would not cook for him. In turn, I would say..."You are a chef... what can I cook for you... a boiled hotdog?" But, honestly, I had made several dishes for him...chili, cornbread soufflé, apple pie, seafood stir fry, Thai steak and noodles... and more. Each of the items he told me were delicious. A few weeks earlier, he had complained again. I asked him if he was serious because the only difference was that I had not made it in his kitchen. He said, yes, he was serious. I told him that because he was a demanding chef, and I didn't want him directing me in the kitchen, that avoided cooking at his home. But, since it seemed to be that much of an issue, I would make a meal when I had my four days off in a couple of weeks.)
I went downstairs to leave and found her in the kitchen, in her bathrobe, at the kitchen table. I tried to make light conversation with her... but, she delayed me by asking question after question...about where I was going and what I was doing, my work schedule, etc. I left shaking my head. Instigator.
Later that evening, while making dinner, she returned to the kitchen, while helping my guy with some yard work, and said, "Is there a special occasion?" I said no, "Why?" This "B" said to me, "Oh, Chef said that you never cook for him, so I assumed it was a special occasion." Now, I could have answered differently, because my first thought was to tell her it was none of her "d..." business what I did for my boyfriend. However, I told her Chef must be getting forgetful. Because I have made several things for him. Other than carrying meat in my bags, I had to wait until I had my car back and more than a few days off, to go grocery shopping. So, I am not sure what he told you, but he is incorrect. She then sauntered off with a smile on her face.
Later, when he came in, I reminded him of other dishes I had prepared for him, he said yes that I had, but inserted that I had not prepared it in his home. Whatever. After their yard work, Chef said he wanted to take a shower before dinner and wanted to know if I would meet him upstairs. Oh, yeah. So, I go upstairs to wait for him. He said he would clear off the deck table for dinner. At this time, above the classical music he was blaring, I thought I heard my name. I go back downstairs and ask him if he had called me. He came up to me and angrily under his breath said, "Why haven't you brought out the plates?" I was shocked. He had never talked to me that way before. I told him that he had asked me to meet him upstairs... and further I can't hear him above the music. He said, "The food is getting cold,... bring out the plates!" I told him to calm down... and if he had changed his mind, he had not informed me.
So, I cut the lasagna, placed some salad on each dish. Mind you, Chicky Poo opted not to eat my lasagna and had her chili, from the night before. Not only was I pissed about the way he talked to me, I now had to hear her rattle on about foolishness, once again. When she realized I was not listening to her chatter, she decided to direct comments to me about the two of them dancing, or going out to dinner, and their exercise walks, the time she cleaned his room and organized his paperwork some years ago, etc. I was fuming. But then, my guy mentions that the uniforms I ironed for him were so nicely pressed, that he received a few compliments. Before I could respond, Miss Chicky Poo decided to get in on this....AND said, "Oh, do you need your uniforms ironed, I'll do it!" I kindly informed her, don't worry...I got it. Damn it!
Later that evening was the first of our disagreements about her comments and inappropriate behavior. Of course he conveniently did not hear her say they went dancing together. He said, he would have to ask her because, to his recollection, they have never danced. So, I asked him, then why did you chuckle and laugh and comment about her leading? He dismissed my concerns and said he didn't want to talk about it....because her time there would be over soon.
The next evening, and the next week, there was more of the same. Miss Chicky Poo monopolizing the conversations and making clear that things I had told him about my family, my work schedule and our personal relationship issues, were all things he shared with her.
One evening, my chef and I were on the phone as he was making his way home. I tried to steal a moment to greet my boyfriend before Chicky Poo came barreling down. As I stepped on the stairs, there she was, just like a stalker, waiting in the shadows to pounce. As she came out; and he came to the bottom of the stairs, she had to insert herself before I could say or greet my boyfriend. She rattled on about her storage unit and the rain. Then, my guy look passed me and asked her to join him by the fire (he was building a fire in the fireplace). What? I was standing right there, and he asked her to join him by the fire. I talked my self down out of the tree... and came downstairs anyway. (Mind you the night before, he handed her a mug, she said, "...thank you, love..." and asked her if she were comfortable. As an after thought, he then asked me. )
I went downstairs and I kissed my boyfriend and tried to give him an update on a family issue. In effort to be polite, and show her this the way to be cordial, by inviting others into the conversation, I tried to give her a brief synopsis of the situation. She must have been pissed off that I kissed him, so she kindly told me, "Chef already told me." Then, out of pure spite, she picked up her cell phone and said to him, "What was the name of the barber you wanted me to look up? (At the point, my patience has run thin.)
I turned to him and said we were just talking about the barber, why didn't you ask me to look it up for you? He sat there stunned and I stormed upstairs. He followed me upstairs and asked me "What is your problem?" I told him I was too upset to talk, and then he asked me to leave his home. Did anyone hear the fireworks? Yeauupp. POW! I got up and packed everything, all the while he was baiting me to take everything. I went downstairs to collect the rest of my belongings and Miss "B" was still sitting by the fire enjoying the calamity. I told her goodnight, and she "Good night" with a big smile on her face. I told her, I am sure you are happy and left.
I went home and Chef and I continued to argue... in the car and via text. However, by the next morning, he had come over and we talked about her comments and the other issues. He claimed, that he NEVER told her to look for a barber but she took it upon herself to do so. (Side note: I have been cutting his hair for months. But, since he was to attend his daughter's wedding, he wanted to go to a professional barber. Not a problem for me. That was the very same conversation we had, as he was making his way home that evening.)
Even if that had been it, it wouldn't have so bad. But, there was more to come. Just writing this brings up more angry and hurt feelings. Standby for more... it gets better.
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